Permanent mid-season

Not sure how much I care about public writing anymore (that is to say, I don’t care about it at all). Yet, I like this space, and I enjoy having a site, separate from any social media. Writing should have a purpose, and this one seems to be gravitating towards keeping a log, a list, of the teas that I buy and drink.

Here it is, my teas.

I am updating it, and will be adding more when my new small parcel comes in. Cold months see a decline in green teas and a rise in oolongs (autumn) and blacks (winter). With greens, genmaicha becomes a go-to, since it’s lighter and I can drink it in bigger quantities, but I mostly drink blacks. Keemun was my most frequent choice last year or two. And this year I am still undecided. Possibly because it’s harder to find a decent Keemun, but also because I don’t really mind drinking big quantities of a more common Ceylon tea, of supermarket quality, but only if supermarket has Twinings or Fortnum & Mason (they lately don’t).

I might write something about tea, or possibly something else. Or I might disappear again into the offline where I drink tea, read books, and worry about the world and Ukraine. It’s been 1001 days of the effing war. Ukraine will not be obliterated, even though some monsters would like to see that happen very much.

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Tea. Lu’an Gua Pian

One of my favorite Chinese greens. A classic. And while I am mostly focused on Japanese green teas, this one made a comeback to my tea cabinet.

Purchased from Nannuoshan. 16 April 2023 harvest.

Origin: Qitoushan, Jinzhai, Lu’an, Anhui, China

Soft texture. Not the grassy notes of sencha, but instead more aromatic. Gentle, mineral, toasty — this I wouldn’t have guessed, but “toasty” is on point, as described on the site.

In winter, I prefer oolongs and blacks, but this green is just what is needed for a sunny day. Brings in thoughts of spring and warmth.

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I want

My mother taught me, wanting is bad. When you want something, you don’t deserve it. You deserve things by being humble, and not wanting them. You don’t ask to buy you a new toy, you can hint, maybe, or better yet, just show interest but don’t say you want it. My father taught me by actually not wanting almost anything. My grandmother told me, “who wants a lot, gets little”. Supposedly, if you want little, you get a lot. Or a lot, compared to your needs, or desires. When you grow up, it is so hard to recognize your needs and your desires, and so easy to become what others expect you to be.

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On owning traditions

Holidays. There are national traditions. There are family traditions. Easy to follow, and as easy to love as they are to hate. Then you move to another country, that has different traditions. And your own country changes at the same time — in ways that are so important, albeit painful.

I come from Ukraine. I was born in the USSR. First, there was no Christmas. Only New Year’s traditions: exchange of gifts (Ded Moroz bringing you presents under the New Year’s Tree), staying up late, champagne at midnight (for adults), salads that have nothing green in them but a lot of mayo. Then, there was Christmas, in January, which was also my birthday, and since my family was not quite religious, it was only semi-celebrated. Traditional food, that’s it. Now, Ukraine celebrates Christmas on both 25th of December and on the 7th of January. But I’m not in Ukraine anymore. And holiday traditions are very tied to children. Being a parent, I feel it makes sense to conform to the cadence of gifting and to adopt some of the traditions of the country I’m in and more international. So, gifts and Santa Claus on Christmas, in December. Local food traditions too, but also, inherited family and country traditions from my childhood.

People who find themselves in a similar situation, have to make choices: when is the main gift giving? Do you spread presents across multiple dates, or consolidate in one? What do you want to cook? How do you want to celebrate, and what exactly?

This is the time when we can decide, and choose, what holiday traditions look like for our children. And we can create something unique for them — recognizing the traditions of the locality, and letting ourselves be fascinated by them, and participate in them. But also — choosing what to pass on from our ancestors; and also — what to create ourselves. With so many dogmas crumbling in my lifetime, so many things to which I opened my eyes, so many lies that history uncovered, with the world that has grown so much bigger — I feel the power to create a better narrative for my child. I finally feel the freedom not only in my would, but also the freedom to choose, and, more importantly, to build build traditions, based not just on the history, but also on the values.

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In a rush

Two months of war in Ukraine made it impossible for me to write. In the time when, it seems, it’s only natural to try and capture everything you feel, i was paralyzed by the absurdity and the hell of war, and unable to put anything down on paper. Maybe the shock is wearing off. I’ll write bit by bit, unimportant things, as the important ones keep being stuck in my throat, and the pain and the tears and the analysis of it all — just impossible.

I’m in a hurry all the time. I’m doing one thing, and thinking about the next, almost always counting time, how much I have left till the next activity. Even as I’m relaxing with a book, or a cup of tea, or both, I think, 15 more minutes, or 40 more minutes — and I already feel sorry, as if I’m in that moment ahead, where I have to stop and do something else, something that is a must and not a nice-thing-for-myself. This probably takes away half of my relaxing experience, but that is all I know. All I’ve ever known, really. “I have to” dominates my life emotionally, even though mentally I know that I’m a lucky one with a lot of “I get to.”

How do I switch? Why am I like this?

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Help for Ukraine

This is a list of ways that I know of aimed at helping Ukraine and its citizens while it suffers from Russian aggression.

Donations

National Bank of Ukraine opened two accounts that accept donations towards the army, as well as humanitarian donations. You can pay directly on their page, as well as transfer money whatever the currency is:
NBU for Armed Forces
NBU for Humanitarian Aid

One of the biggest organizations raising funds to support Armed Forces:
Save Life

Red Cross Ukraine

Art for Freedom. Sessions from creatives with donations for Ukraine (until the 18th of March).

Happy Kids (Poland). Evacuating orphanages and taking care of them.

Various Support

UA Help Info. Collection of links and information on help by country (including within Ukraine itself).

InfoHelp UA. With info in Ukraine and outside — including evacuation, information on countries, etc. Also, how to help those in trouble.

Awesome Ukraine Support on GitHub. A frequently updated page with resources.

Ukraine War – Info and ways to help.

Stand With Ukraine. A map of where protests take place.

Telegram groups for those fleeing Ukraine and those trying to help

Austria

Berlin

Travel to Poland

Useful info for those who are crossing the border with Slovakia. This is an official initiative led by a group of professionals, activists and opinion leaders and 35+ partnering NGOs, all covering different aspects of crisis.

For Berlin, additionally, there’s information here: Help for Ukrainians

Official information for those who have arrived, in Russian: https://www.berlin.de/ukraine/ru/pribytie/

For Berliners

Follow this channel to learn how you can support:

https://t.me/berlinhelpsukraine

For Ukrainians

Follow this channel for important updates: https://t.me/germanyhelpsukraine

Handbook: https://handbookgermany.de/de/ukraine-info/ua.html

More in Poland: Grupa Granica. An NGO helping refugees.

Jobs

For those Ukrainians who are looking for a new job, there’s a site here:
Happy Monday – job search
On that same site, you can also add a job from your company to help Ukrainians in need. Add a job.

UA Talents. To look for a job in EU.

Housing

Wunderflats added a section specifically for Ukrainians.

Host 4 Ukraine

I Can Help Host

Host a Sister. For women all around the world

ImmobilienScout24

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The knowledge that comes after the run, and never before

Whenever I stop running regularly, getting back is always difficult. I keep postponing the starting line, I keep telling myself that today is not a very good day — it’s cold (or hot), I haven’t had enough sleep, or I don’t have enough time. Which can be true, and yet getting back on track gets harder and harder.

I don’t remember a single run that I wasn’t happy I did. Not a single time when I had to kick myself out of the door, I regretted. So why is starting anew is so damn difficult? Inertia. When you run, you just do. When you don’t run — same thing, you don’t. And it’s not that easy to switch from not running to running. That’s why all the coaches of this world say that once you get to the starting line, you’re halfway there. And that’s also why all the couches of this world attract us, the ready couch potatoes that would rather do something static than running.

In terms of slogans and trademarks, it’s really hard to beat “just do it” — because that’s what it boils down to, I’m sorry it’s too corporate, but that’s just what the company did, they took the common sense, and the only thing that works, and made it theirs. The reality is — you will only know it was a right thing to do AFTER you’ve done it. After the run. After the sun in your eyes (next time I’ll even remember to put on sunscreen), or a refreshing drizzle on your face. You’ll know if — first when you breathe in the fresh air while your feet start kicking the ground underneath you, and then, when you are taking a shower after the run. You’ll know it then — something that’s impossible to know when you have just woken up and would rather stay in the comfort of your home for the next week thank you.

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Simplicity or complexity

Most of the time, we think about minimalism as something good. And while on the outside I can feel cluttered, on the inside I’m a devoted minimalist — very fond of the idea.

Let me give you two examples — one where I chose (relative) minimalism, and one where I went with complexity.

My old MacBook got ruined by water almost two years ago, and when after a few days it refused to recognize the hard drive, I put it aside and never touched it since. I didn’t buy a replacement, but instead made it work with an iPad and a keyboard. (I have another MacBook for work.) Yesterday, it turned out that the MacBook was working, and now I have it back. And… I’m not sure that I want it back. A more minimal setup is fine for me, and having a choice of writing this text on a MacBook or on an iPad, I choose the latter. Works better with texts for me — as well as for reading or watching.

A different example.

I’m trying out something that half of the planet threw themselves into when the pandemic was young — making sourdough bread from scratch. I haven’t baked a single loaf yet — but I’ve already spent enough time discarding failed dough starters, and reading up on the topic. There are way simpler ways to get bread. From a bakery fresh and perfect, just a couple of minutes time and a setback of a few euros. Then, if we talk about a hobby, I could make bread with yeast. Another level of complexity up — find someone with a ready starter and ask to share. But I want to try the most complex way of them all, all by myself, all the steps.

These are two different examples of striving for simplicity vs deliberately seeking out complexity. I cannot even compare them (yes, apples and oranges, and even — food and robots). But there are specific different pulls in these two scenarios. One is minimizing the tools, and not keeping this maintenance of gadgets as an additional level. The other is a case of exploration and curiosity. What does it take to make a starter from air, water and flour? What would the dough feel like to the touch? Am I able to handle it? Essentially, what does it take to make a loaf of bread?

While not purely functional, this is the complexity that gives life color.

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Comforting sounds

There are sounds that make you comfortable. Here are some of mine.

  • A muted conversation of parents in another room as you’re falling asleep, or waking up from a nap. Known from childhood, but also as you visit them, you get into this special comfort zone of yours.
  • Almost anything by Radiohead playing in the background.
  • Sound of a coffee shop — chatter, coffee machines, music, clatter of cups.

(To be continued as I think of more things like this.)

I’m not adding nature sounds, they probably soothe everyone, but I rarely wake up to the sound of birds in the woods or a mountain creek. Okay, rain happens, and birds tweeting outside the window too, but they are too common to mention.

Overnight trains, when you wake up to the clickety clack sound of the train wheels on the rails — this can be soothing, too, but often there’s more excitement and expectation of what’s waiting for you where you’re going. Visiting someone, or coming home.

There is an old discussion on what sounds and smells people find comforting. Apart from the usual suspects like rain and ocean, there are a lot of mentions of food cooking. It’s usually me cooking — and I find the activity very comforting, but I wouldn’t single out the sound of it, as it is part of the process.

As easy as it is go get annoyed by sounds, it’s good to pay attention to what you find pleasant.

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Physical > Mental

The formula above is very simple, and can be read in two ways:

Physical is more than mental.

Physical leads to mental.

Both readings are true, although my pretentious intellectual self wants to argue the first one. Even when you’re not your best physically, with the power of your highly developed mind, you can make yourself feel better. But the reality is, so often, our emotional and mental states are the result of our physical state and brain chemistry. What we eat, how we sleep, whether we are physically active. Without the physical resources, there is way less for our powerful brains to work with.

And the change in the physical state regulates so much of the mental capacities.

***

That’s right, I have just exercised. A very brief workout, even though I am not feeling too well, physically.

A momentary realization: I don’t have to wait to be fully healthy and rested to do some exercising. Not stressing myself too much, but doing only what feels right, even a ten-minute timeframe to move my body works wonders and feeds me with endorphins. I don’t have to wait for a perfect weather to go for a run. Weather is rarely perfect for runs, until you’re already running. And there’s absolutely no waiting for the ideal mental state to do some physical activity. Physical > Mental. If I manage to remember it, I’ll be fine.

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