Author: T

Just a pair of jeans, and a lot of history

My history with jeans in general, and Levi’s in particular, is a winding road.

In the Soviet childhood, you don’t just own a pair of Levi’s — or any jeans, for that matter. There was a black market for jeans. In the late 80s–early 90s, my family was lucky, as we had distant relatives in the U.S., and we sometimes got parcels with food and some clothes from them. Then my family traveled too, before and after the USSR collapse, and I vividly remember at least two pairs of Levi’s that I had: straight/slim corduroy reds and pinks. Fancy, right?

In the immediate post-Soviet times, good jeans were hard to fine and extremely expensive (well, under the circumstances of poverty, that 90% of population was living with, everything was expensive and out of reach). The markets were where a lot of people bought clothes, and they were overflowing with fake Diesel, and Mustang, and what have you. I almost never had to go through the ordeal of looking for something there, in muddy rows of these clothing and shoes, and the “fitting rooms” behind the self-assembled curtains with dirty mirrors. Thanks to my mom who, during out time living abroad, was wise to (a) choose quality items even for a kid, and (b) buy things for me to wear as I grow. I’m still immensely thankful to her for this. I wasn’t dressed in the latest fashion of the town. But I had my Levi’s pants and jackets.

From one of my first jobs, I saved up (yes, saved up) to buy my “first” pair of Levi’s. I remember they were black, skinny, in the 900 series (I’m thinking 911s, but now I’m not completely sure). This might not be the smartest move — after all, remember this was still the time when the “real thing” was crazy expensive, but I wore them with joy and pride, and a lot of brand awareness.

When the “dark times” passed, as I had more freedom with my money (and more of “my own money”, making a living), and as the consumer market exploded, there were all sorts of other jeans. Levi’s stopped being the most-wished-for unicorn. There were Calvin Kleins, and Diesels, and then jeans were just… jeans. Just casual pants that you buy without even much thinking.

A couple of years ago, I went without jeans at all, for a year. Well, I had one pair of white jeans, and wore it only occasionally (in my view, it doesn’t count). It went easier than I imagined, after all, I wasn’t as hooked up on jeans as before, there were plenty other options, and my style has changed significantly, too. Today, as I have recovered from the half-life on predominantly wearing only jeans, I know I can survive on dresses if I want to. And that’s when I go back to the Levi’s store, without the reverence I’d have as a teenager. But that’s a prerogative of a lot of things during the teenage years, so I guess it’s long lost anyway. Without the reverence, but still, with joy of getting me something affordable and desired.

“Affordable and desired” is the happiness formula — something that you can have, and that you can afford. Something that won’t clutter your life, but will become a good possession, helping, nice, not treasured as much as not to use, but used with care.

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Being a parent

I spent time with her today. Not a lot as I was diving in meetings the moment we came home. But then we played with a balloon, and we both were so happy. And we made some postcards.

This is what works. Having time to spend with her. Really pay attention and enjoy. It’s not always enjoyable. But it is when I forget about all the other things I could have been doing instead of playing with my kid.

Seriously, one thing that works for me is having fewer obligations and things that I need to do in a day. Having enough time for her without depriving myself of the time for me. And I need both. When I have alone time, i am a better parent.

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Humble background of life

I want to talk about the habit of things. This is different from the habit of shopping — one can just hope and work on not letting it become an addiction. Wherever this comes from — a sense of insecurity, and clinging on to things things things, a thought that owning more things makes one happier, the competition for having the best stuff, everywhere.

Here, I mean something different: the habit of having certain things around, as opposed to experimenting and looking for new. I think this requires some gentle treatment, and a balance.

I love seeing people who are happy in their clothes — and I guess, in their skin, too. They might not own the best, generally (as if there is such a thing), but they have what’s good for them, and they are happy because they get to not admire their stuff, but actually use it. This is something that I felt distinctly when looking at a young woman on the street today. Could as well be my imagination, but she looked super comfortable in her simple clothes, and that added bonus points to her stylish look, even though she wasn’t wearing anything particularly trendy, or bright, and while being pretty, wasn’t astounding-looking.

I’m talking not only about clothes, of course, but of all the things that we use, in our daily lives. I don’t know, computers. If MacBooks work for me, I don’t think I’d try other ones. In a completely different price category, if one skincare brand works for me, how adventurous would I be going through many other products? Occasionally, maybe, depending on what my mood or interest in skincare is… But also I find it comforting to know my basics, and not breaking my brains in daily choices when I want a fallback. A lot has been said about decision fatigue and ego depletion that we face when we make a lot of micro-choices throughout the day. (This has been somewhat debunked, by the way, but we can believe whatever we want to believe.)

I’m sitting here, having a moment of appreciation for things that just work.

For me, an example of “good enough” are Moleskine notebooks. I know there are other and better writing pads to write on, but these just work, they do what I need them to do, and they are quite decent. The only decision I can make is whether I want the standard black cover, or something else, like a limited edition, or a fabric one. I went through about thirty of them in over a decade, and they’re there.

Water bottles, bags, backpacks, comfortable go-to shoes, pens, pants… Things that work, things that let us think about anything else, and stay humbly in the background, at the same time defining the tempo of our day, or our mood, or our sense of the habitual. The gentle everyday support strings of our life.

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Run with your ideas

When you feel that you have stumbled onto something new, an idea for a project, or for a writing (also can be called a project), an activity — any idea at all that you would like to pursue… don’t wait. Get on to it as soon as you can, and give it the intensity that it deserves.

I find the more time I give myself to “ponder” on something without doing, the more the enthusiasm fades. A lot of things don’t get the chance they could have had.

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Windows on the world

How cool is this site? WindowSwap.

“Open a new window somewhere in the world” says the text on the homepage — and that’s all WindowSwap does. Shows you a different view, from someone’s window. You can also share your window, a 10-minute horizontal video that will be randomly opened by strangers from all over the world.

A welcoming, fresh site that is so simple at its core that of course it has to exist! When we don’t travel as much, or at all, it’s refreshing to be able to see a view from someone else’s window, in a different part of the world. Not all views are scenic, but even a backyard with neighboring houses is pleasant to the eyes that are sore from seeing the sameness of the lockdown view every day. Nothing big, nothing important, just a little site with windows to the big world.

I found myself having it open for quite a long time and using it while “thinking and staring out the window”. It feels like trying on someone else’s day for a few minutes, with the weather and possibilities that the outside provides, with the mood and the space of what’s in front of the window. Like traveling, this is a chance to get away from your own life for a bit. Not because you hate your life, but simply because it’s interesting. It makes you wonder about all of the other possibilities that will never fit into one life, but that you can have samples of. As plain and straightforward as a view from the window, it gives you a chance to glimpse into Portugal one minute, Australia the next, and Romania after that. (These are the places that I viewed from my browser window in the past quarter of an hour.)

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Before this blog… and then

Hi. Squeaky clean new place, just built, with freshly painted walls. This place to me, from this vantage point, looks both frightening and exciting. Frightening, because I dive in with no particular plan, if I’m honest. Exciting, for all the reasons moving into a new home is exciting, and just the way writing makes me feel. The tingle in my fingers that need to broadcast the inside of my head.

What to expect from here? That was the questions I’ve been trying to answer for past month or so. Which of my variety of interests and endeavors to pick? Constraints are good! Welcome limitations! Don’t spread yourself too thin. Write with a laser focus! And so on. Which, in my case, for a start, would be one of the following.

  • Things I learn at work as a product manager
  • My escapade of learning languages (currently German)
  • My exploration of various teas, and notes about everything around that
  • Habits and routines
  • Being a parent
  • Life as an expat
  • Reviews of books that I read
  • Anything and everything from above

How much of interest is a personal blog about anything? Probably not much.

I gave it a month. Maybe more. Tried to leave these thoughts alone, and also introduce a decision to just leave this alone and not publish anything outside. No, I want to write. After a month passed, I still had nothing specific. No single point where I could start, apart from what interests me in this very moment, in this time.

So I’ll let the pressure of choosing go. I’ll start writing, and see if it takes a shape, or evaporates, dissolves like a cloud.

I have nothing to offer but this concept of “before and then”. Transformations, progress. I was thinking about it the other day. How much the society is hooked on progress, and getting somewhere, achieving something. It’s the unspoken “progress or death”. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the pressure of harder-better-faster-stronger is not even… real, maybe we don’t need it — as much as we need Daft Punk, for example. Some of what I write is inevitably about the progress, and findings, and learnings. But maybe “achievement” isn’t the right word. Maybe it’s about the change. Anyway, there is always the state before and the state then. This will be the glue that holds the writing in the confinements of this blog together.

What was before this blog? I started describing my work and professional experience, got bored with myself and deleted it. A lot of things came before, that are harder to describe as they don’t fit into the “where are you from?”, “what do you do for work?” type of questioning-and-labeling. Music business, music listening and promoting, and selling, and books reading (non-professionally, but in time spent it’s probably the biggest part of my life), writing here and there. Now I’m working with product (in the IT sense of the term) with a big media company… I love tea, I’m learning to longboard, I love music… And all of it, and more, is something that brings me to this blog.

I’m an eternal learner, a neophyte. Everything has its “before-then” continuity for me. So this is what I’ll start with.

Wish me luck, and check in from time to time.

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